Yes-that shi- cray. Seriously though. So before I got pregnant and gave birth to arguably the most perfect angel on this planet I did not like kids much. The thought of caring for or even holding a tiny baby terrified me. After Brayden was born and the day before they were going to let us out of the hospital, he developed a rare condition where his bilirubin levels began to increase at that point rather than decrease like with average babies. They ran a bunch of tests and had him lay in a light bed which made him look like an adorable glow worm but hurt because we could only snuggle him when he ate then he had to return to the light bed.

All in all he was in the hospital five days- they discharged me and I helplessly roomed in with him, anxious daily for the test result that would allow him to go home vs get further treatment which would include blood transfusions. During those days, I went from scared, somewhat selfish thirty something to full fledged mama. Something clicked and from then on I am pretty sure I wowed everyone based upon my pre baby personality.

It’s  funny because I never thought I could love anyone else so much, and I never thought I could love my hubby more. Relationships with my parents even became stronger than ever. For a woman obsessed with work and career, this addition did not take away from that ambition either. Somehow the little nugget made me an all around better person.

Since becoming a mom, the last four months we’ve gotten in to a pretty good routine. About a month ago, while visiting hubs family out of town, I started getting a lot of pain in my chest and just felt not right. We returned home that evening and I felt like I was going to die. I was certain I was having a heart attack. Brayden was already in bed and with no local relatives, I had hubby wake him and dress him and drive me to the ER, drop me off and try to take care of the baby on his own overnight, which to him was new and terrifying.

It turns out what was happening was a gallbladder attack and was worse than labor and childbirth, even my 36 hour labor fiasco. I had gallstones and found out that they are very common for pregnant women and those who recently had children. Learning it would be a month before I could get in for surgery, I was forced to eat like a bird, being extremely careful about anything that I would eat or drink. The result was only two more mini attacks and a 20 pound weight loss. Funny enough, my pregnancy was very healthy and fit and my post baby weight was five pounds less than pre baby! So all in all, I can at least thank my kid for dropping a couple of sizes this year!

Since my surgery last week, recovery has been slow and painful. I’ve slowly added back foods that I’ve missed, which now feel like major indulgences that I likely will not pick back up much in frequency now that I’ve become accustomed to eating much healthier. The hardest part is not being able to pick up my kid, which means limited snuggles, no comforting him during overnight wake ups, and no daycare drop offs and pick ups (and of course a very tired husband who has picked up these additional duties!). Who would have thought a year ago the woman terrified to touch a baby would be heartbroken that she can’t pick one up? I’m so used to that mom so hard life that not being able to rule the world and get things done is killer. It makes me appreciate so much more that even when baby barely sleeps and I’m running late and tired and overwhelmed, these times are fleeting and special and I wouldn’t change them for anything in the world!